Monkeys on the barricades

Are warning us to back away
They form commissions trying to find
The next one they can crucify

And anger plays on every station
Answers only make more questions
I need something to believe in
Breathe in sanctuary in the

Easy silence that you make for me
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me

Easy Silence- Dixie Chicks
seriously can there be a better group
well yes but they definitely have something
the lyrics. the sound... all stupendous

Yesterday I laid in my bed for most of the day hunched over because of pain in my stomach...not good. The past is creeping up on me again. I have had this issue before and I thought maybe just maybe I could shake it. Thank goodness my dad was in a good mood and gave em the day off. I have never had pain like that... but alas its slowly getting better. Brightside. Im liking the whole looking for the positive in things. Positive to my bad sick day I had a lot of time to catch up on sleep Ive lost. Positive again is I had a long, long day of silence and thought and being alone. Which at times I like and it helps me reboot my thought process because I go down some crazy paths. Positive.. humm not many more to share. The downside of the day was my mom left me at home with soup on the stove.. well really it was meat that was cooking and preparing to be soup. I was going back and forth checking and making sure the water level stayed at a safe level. So around 1ish a major pain hit me and I had to lay down... it hurt to move. walk. breathe. anything. So I took some meds and laid on the bed... where I drifted into a beautiful sleep. Now when I woke up.. I smelled something was cooking. That my friends is a bad thing especially as far away from the kitchen as my room is... so I ran. Where I meet a room full of smoke and meat being burned to a pot. Not my greatest day but I take no claim on being a good cook. So I began airing out the kitchen/living room/dinning room process... I smelled like smoke for hours. Apologized to my mom (wanted to offer money for the meal I screwed up) and went to my room. Shut the blinds. closed the curtains. changed clothes. took Advil because by this time I have a headache on top of my stomach pain. then curled up under the covers and drifted back into my silent state. It makes me scared sometimes for my future husband.. makes me wonder if I have what it takes to be like my mom. She is amazing at what she does and Im just me. Im good at art. and listening. and doing the normal routine. and loving. and not that educated on life. Welcome to being twenty. Positive is I am willing to learn.. and I learn from mistakes. So yesterday was a first and a last... in many ways. First to be that forgetful. Last time I will leave food by its self. Fist time to burn any sort of food (besides the popcorn when I was 10). Last time I will ever do that again. Many more but those are just a few. Today is beginning to look like a long day but only because I have a great guy I am looking forward to seeing tonight. He is definitely a positive anytime.

This is late but I figured I would go ahead with it.
Jessie Lee Russell or most knew her as DeDe passed on February 11th 2008. She was 83 years young..lol. A pistol really and such a lady. I admired her so much... She was strong in the word and had a heart so big. She was my great great grandmother but we were closer than that she helped in my bringing up process and played a big role in my life. I played piano because of her... oh and basketball. She was a huge Spurs fan.. she wanted me to play for them so bad. Her favorite movie to watch with me was thumbelina when I was a kid... And she introduced me to many classics like Casablanca and more.. Favorite flower was roses but when she moved to San Antonio it became a Blue Bonnet... she had them on everything. She was a great mother. An amazing teacher. Continuous friend and had a heart for people. She will live on because she believed in something real and was active in her faith... The last time I visited her I took one picture of her because she wouldnt let me take one... but being the sneak I am I grabbed one without her knowing. It captures the greatest parts of her. Her love for her family. Her smile. Her being happy in troubled times. All things I admire most about her..

If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord.
So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
Romans 14:8

her favorite scripture