Oh, sweet morning...

Is your head not right
Did you hear my warning
This is the time of times
And your head feels like your body
You mind is close behind
There’s a teardrop on your shoulder
Says this is the time of times
It’s the time of times again

The Time of Times- Badly Drawn Boy
new find
I think I like it

So I haven't posted in a couple of days.. Figured I would spit one out before the weekend. My Grandmother, if you didnt know, was in town for one too many weeks. She left out Thursday headed to Perry, Georgia.. business. Now that the lovely woman has left... the attitudes are low and the air feels fresh [and not dry]. Not that I don't love her it's just the stress levels rise as she pulls into town. So when she departs everything comes down about 12 notches...lol. Alas she will be missed [single tear].. To celebrate, only kidding, I took my sisters to the movies and dinner last night. And when I say dinner I mean taco bell... Usually they get a good dinner and dollar movie. But they decided on Definitely, Maybe so I decided my wallet could handle fast food for dinner. I had five people to feed geez... Another reason I don't want a big family. Kids eat a hell of a lot. Bless the mothers and fathers living today... Struggling with bills and such. You are in my prayers.

My week has been interesting. From family time filled with Uno, Phase 10 and battle to the death. To lounging on the couch with Joey. To the crazy meeting in the youth office. Wednesday was deep.. Great conversations. Bad and hard ones. It was just deep. Lyrics and songs keep popping up in my head.. verses flowing. Im digging for truth this time." Instead of leaning to the world, Im clinging to something real." I have this written in my sketch books and notebooks. It keeps hitting me in the face. My mood has been weird. Im craving chocolate like crazy which is really weird for me.. and my blood sugar is acting real crazy. I started a good book this week actually two good books... One Joey handed me to read which I finally started and the other Cathy handed to me on Tuesday. Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli. It was one of Lee's favorites and always used to tell me to read it. I never did so finally I am taking the time to go through the pages and try to remember him. The conversations. The life lessons. I didnt pay much attention then but hopefully my mind can be jogged enough to remember now. So far I like the book.. its him telling his story so its not that hard to follow. You write what you know. Im teaching this week.. not so sure what story I want to tell.

today's thoughts:
"the ranks are faltering"

this weekend will be full
and sunday will be hard

I miss you whenever I am not with you

coffee mid-day is interesting

Shane [from non-stop art] called today
my chest piece is done
and ready to be approved

grace and peace
merl

Oh, what'll you do now, my blue-eyed son?

Oh, what'll you do now, my darling young one?
I'm a-goin' back out 'fore the rain starts a-fallin',
I'll walk to the depths of the deepest black forest,
Where the people are many and their hands are all empty,
Where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters,
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison,
Where the executioner's face is always well hidden,
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten,
Where black is the color, where none is the number,

And I'll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it,
And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it,
Then I'll stand on the ocean until I start sinkin',
But I'll know my song well before I start singin'..

A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall- Bob Dylan
so I heard this for the first time today
the lyrics are captivating
interesting thoughts

Last night was good. I hung around the house.. had dinner with the family and Joey drove all the way to the boons to see me. fun night. My family is so weird and raw and crazy... who's isn't. Im learning to be ok with the weird. The raw part still gets to me... they are just so balls out and honest all the freaking time. Im used to it but for others it can be overbearing.. I worry to much that's my issue. Attempted to play Phase 10 with them.. We [joey, my dad and I] didnt last long... Joey wont play anymore card games with me because I "cheat". Which I found out today that technically I did cheat but is it cheating if you didnt know the official rules to begin with? Official Uno rules if you didnt know them. lol. Here's an old photo of mine... this was the old checkered board room days.

sorry babe. ;)

After everybody left I sat in the living room in a daze watching the news. Fox I think.. one of those all the time debate and screw shows. The ones with twenty things going on at once.. a continuous stream of updates at the bottom. The time flippin around every 15 seconds [yes I counted] with all the time zones. Headlines everywhere. Two and some times four split screens of people and not just people but opinionated people. Journalists. Activists. Politicians. Average Joes. Business men and women. All giving news. Or opinion. Or thoughts. Or views. For what? So we can be updated on what? not the truth because their words are not truth. Its really just too much. Ive been attempting to keep up with the election and going ons with the next leader of our country... but its all really too much. Politics are really starting to get to me. Like the conversation I listened to last night between four individuals about Obama and if it is necessary to take in account the church he goes to and the beliefs of it. For a second I spaced out.. IS IT NECCESSARY? Yes its flippin necessary it should be a priority to research and find out what he believes and what he puts his faith in... That's what leads people to make decisions..Being the next PRESIDENT of the United States of America and being tossed into a war he is going to be making a ton of changes and decisions that will impact our lives and our kids lives. We better have a full understanding of where he stands and how strong his belief system is. Is it necessary? Im starting to lose faith in the human race.. not really saying I had faith in us to begin with. We are so warped. This is a video of Rev Dr Jeremiah Wright the leader of Obama's church on Fox... this my friends is sad. Go and research a little bit please before you mark the ballet. It all is void in the grand scheme of things but you would think we would try to make things a bit more pleasant while we are here.

1 Timothy 2: 1-6
1I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— 2for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. 5For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, 6who gave himself as a ransom for all men—the testimony given in its proper time.

that's truth.

grace and peace
merl

I have seen the rain...

I have felt the pain

I don't know where I'll be tomorrow

I don't know where I'm going

I don't even know where I've been

But i know I'd like to see them again.

Spend my days just searching Spend my nights in dreams

Stop looking over my shoulder baby

I've stopped wonderin' what it means

I Have Seen the Rain- James T Moore and P!nk
great song.. great melody.
hidden track on P!nks newest album
this her and her father

So this weekend was incredible. Friday night was bittersweet. Saturday was full of laughs and girls singing. Good mexican food and great company... Sunday I woke up early and meet up with Joey at his house. We left from there and headed to Atlanta. Great conversation and sweet moments. All to feed our hunger for zombie flicks.. I love a good horror and he loves any and everything zombie. We saw George A. Romero's Diary of the Dead it's part of what they call the Dead series.. It was interesting the political and world issues he hit on. From what I hear all of his Dead movies have a message/underlying world issue he plays with and uses his creative filming to get it out. So I have to see all the others now... this was my first and I truly enjoyed it. It had some pretty cool effects in it along with blood and killing... Im in. We went to Hard Rock in downtown before the movie.. yay for good food and being in a kick butt atmosphere. We got home right when the Academy awards started.. Joey watched the entire thing with me. It was his first time to watch the whole thing.. lol. No Country for Old Men owned last night which if you haven't seen the movie as soon as it hits the racks for rent go get it. Its twisted and absolutely amazing. I left the theatre with my heart pounding... I will own it. Writer of Juno won... whoot. Best original song went to Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova for Falling Slowly totally deserved it. Great movie. Great music. Love the Indie. There Will Be Blood won a few things.. which I haven't seen it yet so I cant judge but I don't think I want to see it. So If anyone has seen it and has the run down talk to me.

On the way home I had a moment. Every once in awhile it happens.. Its those moments where you've just had enough and you say whatever is on your mind. It wasn't that I was mad at anybody really I just get fed up with certain situations... Im tired of giving to people who are not in need. People who are spoiled. And I'm not talking material giving but the giving of love and time and compassion. Im tired of the giving that hurts... which I understand in ministry and everyday life it happens continuously and Im ok with that. I guess I just expect more out of the people closest to me... The people who know better. I have decided to shoot the dying dog. So until they decide to get out of their own muck and grossness I will no longer extend my arm or my heart. This may sound cold and frigid but this is built up from a year of worry, hurt and heartache... my emotions and heart cant take it. I go so far and then no further.. the only help I can extend now is prayer and patience. Sometimes people have to hit the bottom become absolutely nothing then return to their first love..If it takes that then my prayers are with them because it is gonna suck.

On a lighter note... sorry. I received a phone call this afternoon from the leader of Encounter which is a group my dad is involved in. I have worked with him before on some art pieces and did some art for an auction to help their Africa Ministry. He wants to do an Encounter night and wants it to be an art show. I am doing a series of pieces that will portray my life and walk with God... Another artist from Birmingham is doing the same thing and I really admire his work. So this should be fun. I am super pumped to get started... I will keep you guys updated on dates times and places.. He said it will be about 5 to 6 months from now but he is working on a place to do it. It will not be an auction but my stuff will be up for sale. Should be pretty cool so keep posted and I would love for you all to come.

This is one piece I did for their auction... Not the finished product. I really don't have any pictures of finished pieces.. but you get the idea. :) Im just excited to get to do something for me... to express and put my heart into something or on something.

grace and peace
merl ;)

just let me ask you hey...

Have you heard of my religion?
Its called the church of hot addiction
And we believe that God has lust for everything.

Because now,
The time has come for your devotion
And you already got a notion
Of what I need
So give it, just give it,
Just give it to me

Church of Hot Addiction- Cobra Starship
Sorry for the random
Its what was playing
fun group to listen to


this my friends is one of the many great finds in our office.
thought I would share.. and yes I realize this is my second post of the day. My dad brought me bagels from Panera Bread Co and oh my goodness betsy they are good. I haven't been able to eat much these past two days but finally getting to enjoy something was great. So Im mending yay... and surprise my dad did something nice and I didnt have to ask. They crack me up here "the PROfessionals"... a big mess of fun. I love them. So I watched the documentary on the Dixie Chicks today. Shut Up and Sing You should totally watch it.. I learned just how ignorant we are some times. They are insane artist and I applaud them... despite the mess the happened. Anyways thought I would share. Hope you are all having wonderful days.


grace and peace
merl

Monkeys on the barricades

Are warning us to back away
They form commissions trying to find
The next one they can crucify

And anger plays on every station
Answers only make more questions
I need something to believe in
Breathe in sanctuary in the

Easy silence that you make for me
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me

Easy Silence- Dixie Chicks
seriously can there be a better group
well yes but they definitely have something
the lyrics. the sound... all stupendous

Yesterday I laid in my bed for most of the day hunched over because of pain in my stomach...not good. The past is creeping up on me again. I have had this issue before and I thought maybe just maybe I could shake it. Thank goodness my dad was in a good mood and gave em the day off. I have never had pain like that... but alas its slowly getting better. Brightside. Im liking the whole looking for the positive in things. Positive to my bad sick day I had a lot of time to catch up on sleep Ive lost. Positive again is I had a long, long day of silence and thought and being alone. Which at times I like and it helps me reboot my thought process because I go down some crazy paths. Positive.. humm not many more to share. The downside of the day was my mom left me at home with soup on the stove.. well really it was meat that was cooking and preparing to be soup. I was going back and forth checking and making sure the water level stayed at a safe level. So around 1ish a major pain hit me and I had to lay down... it hurt to move. walk. breathe. anything. So I took some meds and laid on the bed... where I drifted into a beautiful sleep. Now when I woke up.. I smelled something was cooking. That my friends is a bad thing especially as far away from the kitchen as my room is... so I ran. Where I meet a room full of smoke and meat being burned to a pot. Not my greatest day but I take no claim on being a good cook. So I began airing out the kitchen/living room/dinning room process... I smelled like smoke for hours. Apologized to my mom (wanted to offer money for the meal I screwed up) and went to my room. Shut the blinds. closed the curtains. changed clothes. took Advil because by this time I have a headache on top of my stomach pain. then curled up under the covers and drifted back into my silent state. It makes me scared sometimes for my future husband.. makes me wonder if I have what it takes to be like my mom. She is amazing at what she does and Im just me. Im good at art. and listening. and doing the normal routine. and loving. and not that educated on life. Welcome to being twenty. Positive is I am willing to learn.. and I learn from mistakes. So yesterday was a first and a last... in many ways. First to be that forgetful. Last time I will leave food by its self. Fist time to burn any sort of food (besides the popcorn when I was 10). Last time I will ever do that again. Many more but those are just a few. Today is beginning to look like a long day but only because I have a great guy I am looking forward to seeing tonight. He is definitely a positive anytime.

This is late but I figured I would go ahead with it.
Jessie Lee Russell or most knew her as DeDe passed on February 11th 2008. She was 83 years young..lol. A pistol really and such a lady. I admired her so much... She was strong in the word and had a heart so big. She was my great great grandmother but we were closer than that she helped in my bringing up process and played a big role in my life. I played piano because of her... oh and basketball. She was a huge Spurs fan.. she wanted me to play for them so bad. Her favorite movie to watch with me was thumbelina when I was a kid... And she introduced me to many classics like Casablanca and more.. Favorite flower was roses but when she moved to San Antonio it became a Blue Bonnet... she had them on everything. She was a great mother. An amazing teacher. Continuous friend and had a heart for people. She will live on because she believed in something real and was active in her faith... The last time I visited her I took one picture of her because she wouldnt let me take one... but being the sneak I am I grabbed one without her knowing. It captures the greatest parts of her. Her love for her family. Her smile. Her being happy in troubled times. All things I admire most about her..

If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord.
So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
Romans 14:8

her favorite scripture

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz..

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms,
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.


Sonnet 17- Pablo Neruda
one of the greatest
its used in Patch Adams
I really enjoy his work
well the stuff you can find translated



My past couple of days have been crazy. Really this past weekend until now have been full... Full of death. and love. words. funerals. family. moments. breathing. chatter. help. comfort. Im learning a lot about the human race here recently. Im also becoming an expert on funerals... and beginning to have my own thoughts and feelings about them. It used to be you go and you sit and you visit with people you haven't seen in years and you cry then you leave. You bury then as time fades on you forget. Almost routine which is what humans are so used too... we thrive off of routine. Im not gonna go into a tangent and express my opinions on this stuff because it would solve anything. Im just gonna think on it a bit more... stay posted for more thoughts and views on this junk. Funerals ugh.


Relationship. the ability to love and be loved. trust. comfort. not leaning on ones-self. communication. touch. listening not just hearing. care. being real. being straightforward. no masks. knowing the boundaries. understanding. heart. investment. action. its giving time. living. breathing. its an everyday thing.


These past four months have been eye opening.


thoughts today:
Joey coming to see me at work today pretty much owns :)

technology is my personal hell
I appreciate it but I hate being peoples go to person
or fix it person

sometimes playing clueless is a wise decision

grace and peace
merl

At last my love has come along

My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
At last the skies above are blue
And my heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I can speak to
A dream that I could call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
You smiled, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
And you are mine at last

At last- Etta James
many versions
but she is my favorite
classic

So today is Valentines. The day devoted to love... the day set aside for couples. The day men make up for year of neglect. The day women who have no date watch sappy love movies and gain 10 pounds off of Dove chocolate. The day we do and say the corny things in the name of love. It's the commercial holiday that ruins pure love and dumbs it down. But really anything that big cooperate gets hold of is twisted and warped and ruined. They really cash in on this day...Go to the Wal-Mart and see. This is the day of love. It's the day we express how much someone means to us. When really we should celebrate valentines everyday... We should look into the eyes of the people we love daily and express how much they mean to us. We should reassure the loves of our lives daily that they mean the world to us. And the funny thing is it doesn't always have to be our spouses or significant others... It can be family and friends. It can be the people who are close to you.. who you see daily. Don't take love for granted and never put boundaries on it or build walls around it. God designed us in his image and we are hardwired with love. The roots run deep within us.. don't suffocate it. Don't ignore it or run from it. Love is... umm read 1 Corinthians 13 you'll find out. Go back to your first love.

So what the hell is this weather doing. Yesterday it was snowing... My windshield wipers were frozen to my windshield. Thanks Alabama weather for being so wonderful. I have a heater [thanks larry] in my office because my boss/father/satan wont let me change the temperature. Got to see Joey last night. :) ate at Mogans, went to the Wal-Mart and watched Hot Rod... geez. If you haven't seen it go rent it immediately.. Really it would be safe to buy. You will laugh thru the entire thing.

"wwhat in wwhat wway"
"Umm I said you look shitty"
"you like what you see"
"Ive been drinking green tea all gd day"
"Im rod and I like to party"
"I used to be legit in fact I was too legit.. too legit to quit"

One of the greatest.

thoughts today:
Breathe love, grace and peace

Why cant I refrain from eating all the Reese's?

First valentine. Only valentine. One can hope :)

[Tax season makes me want to vomit.. along with politics]

hoobastank

I’ve been dancing on the tops of buildings...

the top of my lungs I’m singing you a song “don’t you leave me alone”
My bones were shattered, my pride lay shattered
Well I’ll trample my pride until the whole world dance with me

I’m falling more in love with every single word I withhold
I’m falling more in love with every single word you say

A beautiful rescue- This Providence
Natilie introduced me to them about 2 years ago
good song... sceney beany weeny music
but good

Im still foggy. Last night I was distant from the group.. I apologize. I was battling and withholding so many words. Its frustrating. My mind is in overload mode. I kind of feel like I'm on the edge of something high and I'm tittering over the edge. Weird and morbid analogy.. sorry. My thoughts are so scrambled. After talking things out with Joey last night I felt a lot better... amazing conversation. Deep. I love the digging deeper, getting dirty truth. Knowledge and learning is essential to life. You don't need to settle... continue to open doors and explore what God is doing. Action. He is living, breathing, moving, and very much apart of your life whether you believe or not. I struggle to move forward sometimes in our relationship... but right now I feel like that's not the case. Lately I been so blessed in life. in everyday conversations. in growing spiritually. in relationships. Im not standing still anymore or suffocating a good thing. Im growing and breathing. Praise.

this boy has my heart

thoughts today:
I could live like this forever

with the morning comes renewal

praise Him everyday with every breathe

site today:

cut + paste

grace and peace
merl

Ive been so many places in my life and time..

Ive sung a lot of songs Ive made some bad rhymes
Ive acted out my love in stages with 10,000 people watching
We're alone now and Im singing a song for you

A song for you- Micheal Buble
Good shuffle this morning
This played while I was in the shower
Great lyrics and yes he did cover it
the original was done by Donny Hathaway

So I slept like a rock last night... Seriously I popped in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and watched about 10 minutes of it before I fell asleep and didnt get up once. Had a peaceful weekend. Even with my grandmother [dad's mom] here. Friday night we hung out at my folks place and Joey meet the Granny. Interesting evening with tons of crazy conversations... my dad and Joey together is trouble. But soooo funny. Saturday I woke up somewhat early and headed to Hoover to spend the day with Jo dirt. Got to his place hung out and watched the tele. He needed to go see his grandmother so we meet up with his family at the nursing home... after that we had lunch with his family, who I dearly love to be around. They are so funny and so sweet and so real. We left and went to their house to hang out a little while longer... I laugh so hard when Im around them. Laughing is needed. Peace is needed. Family time is needed. After the laughs we went to [the] Sears.. Joey had some gift card[s] from christmas he needed to get rid of. The fun began. FYI Sears really isn't the greatest of the department stores. Customer service is a mess... Nelson the man who helped us was funny however not very good with customers. At one point we had to call other stores looking for a sofa and Nelson handed Joey the phone and I swear to you said "they have put me on hold to long, here you talk to them." It was so funny. The search in Sears was unsuccessful but we had plenty of fun and laughs to last us. We walked around the mall and then headed out. When we got the truck..it wouldn't start. Joey had left the lights on... and btw keep jumper cables in your car. The mall security will not help you. LOL. I called his sister and got them to come save us... which they came to our rescue and saved the day. Joey got his new phone "GREEN with ENV" lol. We were gonna go to MOgans but decided against it seeing how its not a restaurant. Ended up finally agreeing on Longhorn... the salmon is delicious. Sunday was a slow day. I woke up spent the morning in bed and chatted with the sisters. Well I say chat but I was attacked then hung out. Joey came down this way and we had a family, neighbor and friends throw down. It was good. My nerves were on edge but that happens when Im around youngans too long. I cant handle people in my face non-stop for hours. I like people. I like interaction.. but something about kids and twenty million questions and non stop talking that just drives me loopy. It comes and goes. Sometimes I can handle it and sometimes I need to go away for a breather. But the night ended well :)

Today at lunch I found out my great grandmother passed away.. She was suffering and went peacefully. So Im happy she's better off but my heart is kind of hurt. She was more like a grandmother... and was so sweet. Im in my own world right now so when I snap out I will blog all about her. There is so much to tell about that lovely lady. Such a woman of God and full of class. This week is starting out pretty low.

Thoughts:
Valentines is Thursday

We should all love extravagantly

Tears are needed to wash away the hardness

My head is full

12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! 13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

1 Corinthians 13:12 & 13

I'm not going to state..

Obvious observations everybody makes
But baby, be prepared to be surprised
Baby, be prepared to be surprised
You better be prepared to be surprised
It's all I know

The weight of the world
And the hurt and the dirt
Can make you disturbed
But I heard, but I heard
When I wrap my arms around you
Every mistake we made crumbles
When I wrap my arms around you
Everything echoes a new song


to be surprised-Sondre Lerche
great new find
great sound
fun and different

like these girls.




taylor. jessie. alayna. layne. My lovely girls. They keep me smiling. I took them to dinner at Wings and then to see Dan in Real Life... great movie btw. Go see it and its at the dollar theatre so now you have no reason not to see it. I laughed the entire time I was with them :) Posted some pics on myspace go check them out. They make me realize how blessed I am sometimes... How important family and relationship is and how they are apart of you no matter what happens or what crap you throw at them. We struggle at times to keep the peace but who doesn't?



Bought a new hoodie last night at GAP. Love the sales. Im a whore for a good deal. Plus I have been wanting one of there hoodies... they are comfortable. Last night I had a "duh" moment. I had forgot about getting babysitters for an event this weekend.. luckily I have mad skills and money so its all taken care of and I wont have to sit for 3 hours with little ones. Why people assume I like watching kids I will never know. Probably because I cant say no. I like the money.. being good with kids comes from having three sisters.

Today's thoughts and quotes:
Family is important.
My grandmother is a mess... big mess.

"Im 64 years old I will say whatever I want"
"That thing on your face its looks.... it looks. oh hell"

"put it on my tab"

the storm is coming...

but I don't mind
people are dying
I close my blinds
all that I know is Im breathing now.

Keep Breathing- Ingred Michealson
fitting for my blog
I also listened to it last night
amazing sound
clean.

Last night. hum. Did ministry on a different level. Opened myself up and hung out with two amazing girls. I love the laughs and random convos and questions. I love listening to whats going on with them. But warning to the wise getting into their world can become a scary place. An eye opening experience. Just listening to them made me realize a lot I had been blind to... the teenage mind is a scary place to dwell. Its all about instant satisfaction. keeping distance form people older than you because "they don't understand". Its hiding the truth... doing whatever it takes to get what you want. We are selfish at that age [really many adults are selfish]. We need the newest hottest trend to fit into this world. We are really deep down scared even when we put up a front. We aren't aware of others around us.. when we have something we want in our sites or something on our agenda. We pretend like we care for the besties and the little girlfriends but really we want to get our benefits from the relationship...Its all about us.

Went to grab dinner with them... One wasn't hungry and wanted ice cream. One wanted mexican but not food just chips and dip. Im indifferent.. I just wanted us to sit down together and talk. So I decided that we split and grab or snacks and eat later. One wanted to go and get a friend a snack and surprise them at work. The other wanted to go shopping at Urban. They both wanted to do that so that's what we did. then after leaving there we went to the mall the get a cinnamon bun at Cindy's. One didnt want to be there so she sat in the car. I went in with the other to Cindy's. So then we went to Johnny Rockets to give the boy his snack... One had to get a milkshake. Then she mentioned something about needing her hair colored... she didnt mentioned it was because her best friend kept making fun of her. That came later. So we all agreed to go to the dollar movie. When we got there I picked the movie with one while the other complained about her cheese dip and something else. The movie we wanted to see didnt start for an hour so we agreed to buy a ticket to see the end of Walk Hard while waiting to see Dan in Real Life. When the movie was over [which I need to see the beginning to say if I like it or not] our intentions were to see the next movie. But one of the girls wanted to get their hair done... So she said she had to be home at a certain time.. then she said she didnt want to see the other movie. Then she said she was tired and then she changed the time her mother told her to be home. So I told them we could miss the movie and go do her hair at her house. The whole ride home she sat in silence. Sometimes I don't understand what goes on in peoples minds and at times I wish I had the power to listen to their thoughts.. just so I could understand. But then again you never know the things are swimming thru there... could be deeper and darker than I imagine.

"sometimes our looks speak volumes" hum. Today is going to be a good day. Im taking my sisters to a movie... Today will be a good day. My grandmother is town... the fathers mother. What a joy! I got her some breakfast and woke her up this morning.. :) that my friends is a fun task. She is so pleasant in the morning. lol. Today will be a good day.

I keep telling myself that but its true
:)

Today:
Do something for somebody you love.
Random acts of love will brighten anyone's day
and will plant a seed... good healthy seed.

Practice being selfless it is good for the heart.

grace and peace

merl

Well the song of the blackbird is mighty clear...

On a mornin’ such as this
And all those useless pains & fears
Those things that i won’t miss

And the Morning Glories and Queen Anne’s lace
Baptized by the wind
These inspirations are my saving grace
In these times we’re living in

Make a hard man humble
Make a proud woman hide
Her eyes from the light of day

dry- william elliot whitmore
great sound
amazing talented artist

Today I woke up in a funk. Didn't really wanna move from my bed. Didn't want to go to work... every once in awhile this happens. But I got up.. washed away the funk physically and spiritually. Just takes some discipline I guess. Today is Ash Wednesday... whooo hooo. That was sarcasm if you didnt catch it. I had been trying to prep myself for Lent. Not sure Im gonna fast from anything.. Im really not gonna fast in worldly guidelines. When God prepares my heart for a fast I will but I don't think it is time for me. My prayers are with the ones fasting.. hopefully He will open your eyes and hearts to some new and exciting things. Or maybe he will break down some high walls you have built up around your self. humm. Anyways Ive been working on some art pieces excited to get my thoughts and ideas out on something and not so crammed in my head. Im reading again.. that's always good. I hated forced reading in school but now I appreciate the knowledge and brain teasers.

I have had some girls on my brain... I miss them. Miss their insight and our interaction. Smiley faces and random moments. Hope they are doing ok. I can only reach out so far. Im grabbing dinner with one of them tonight. Ministry has also been something swimming around in my thoughts. Am I doing it right? Am I giving and doing what God wants of my life? Am I being the example? or am I complaining and waiting for someone else to do it? Am I where Im supposed to be? Do I give up to easily? Am I really doing anything for the souls at stake? Doubt is dirty and unhealthy. But I don't think Im doubting I think God is placing these thoughts on my mind for a reason. Food for thought.

Site for today:
http://vandill.johow.com/
check it out
I dig the random crazy stuff
really cool finds on here
and great ideas

think on these things
8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Philippians 4

I went out walking with a bible and a gun...

The word of God lay heavy on my heart
I was sure I was the one

the wanderer- U2
insane lyrics
greatest band ever

Last night was good. Im full. of scripture. thought. love. completely full. We picked apart and discussed Philippians 1:1-11 I enjoyed it. the challenge. the fellowship. the break down. All good stuff. Paul's letters are so good.. but the letter to Philippi is so much more personal. To me he almost speaks to them as a father figure... very nurturing. Major props to jenny and nick for toughing it out and going on with the study... even though life was dishing out some curve balls. Love you guys. Spent the remainder of the night with the greatest boy :) he puts a smile on my face and joy in my heart. good stuff.

Sweetest thing.

Site of the day:
http://www.etsy.com
one of the greatest
check it out

breathe grace and peace today.
9-11So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.

word.
merl

I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift

And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time

Like you'll never see me again- Alicia Keys
great great song
amazing artist
everything she touches turns to gold

This weekend was the stuff. Just what I needed. Went to a baby dedication at Beth El Shaddai, yes its Jewish. I enjoyed being apart of that and experiencing God somewhere different. Thoughts that stick out from the evening: Hardwired. Truth. Being aware of the Primary. Worship. Hands. Torah. Children will lead us. Hannah. Miracle. Family. So Joey spent the night at my house... because he was going hunting with my dad. Part of me was glad he was there the other part of me didnt want him to be there because he was going HUNTING [wtf?] with my dad. But it all worked out.. they ended up not going. I got up to see the sunrise with him in my living room.. hour of pure sweetness. We ate breakfast with my parents at the Barrel and then he finally got to play with his new gun. After that we intended on going to Birmingham to celebrate the Chinese new year, the ham was having a throw down at the Boutwell. Didn't make it instead we ate Chinese with his mom, sister, and woody the boyfriend.. Fun stuff. I love watching and being apart of their group... they crack me up. After that we went to meet up with a couple of his friends and went to Non Stop Art to get a drawing done of my chest. Because yes Im finally getting a big one.... Im getting a chest piece done. Im so freaking pumped after chatting with him about everything. Hoping its not gonna be crazy expensive... We didnt talk price. Then I tortured Joey with Zoe shopping [which is a vintage store in downtown] and introduced him to Naked Art Gallery. By the time we got done the sun was setting... beautiful. I love Birmingham and I love it even more when I am with him and getting to be apart something so beautiful. Great Moment. Just living in the moment driving around and talking. We got turned around a few times looking for the Vulcan..lol. I have never been and he hadn't been in a long time.. that was fun. I think everyone should go and experience that, you see Birmingham in a new light. Only issue I have was the balcony holding you in the freaking air... that was metal and see thru. Yes you could see how high you were and what was under you. I freaked. Joey freaked. Great laughs. Ended up watching UFC... I love it.

Sunday was needed. I needed to be still and worship. I needed to dance and let go. We needed prayer and communion. Unity. A dad passed away this weekend. A step dad. A husband. Friend. Donald Smith. Sunday was a day of grieving for some. Three teens going thru a hard time and not sure what's next. What do you say?

Tonight Im going to a bible study. Im pretty pumped and open for learning and listening. Discussing. Being in the word. Word.

philipians.

kar

remember that your eyes can be your enemies...

I said hell is so close,
and heavens out of reach,
but I ain't giving up quite yet,
I've got too much to lose...

Sweet and low- Augustana
new track
all time favorite

So I am turning over a new leaf in the blogging world I need this blog to be an everyday... every vent. every blast. every thought blog. I usually blog on myspace but when they fail at being there for me when I need them... I am deciding to use them every once in a while. I looked at this one today and decided today is the day I only have 4 posts. Lets step it up.

I have had this sore throat. runny nose. mess going on all week. AND finally today I am beginning to mend.. [Thanks Carry from CVS] My headache is gone completely, my sore throat is healed and the only thing in my way is the drainage. So drain on! In two more hours I will get to leave, this lovely jail cell some people would call an office, pop in two more Tylenol cold multi symptom and get ready to see my hunny. Which I am super stoked about.. even thou we are going to a baby dedication and its at his parents church. I still get to see him.. its been 5 very long days. [We are so dang busy] Anyways I go to the CVS right to get some meds because none of mine are getting it done. I leave with meds. asia noodles. soup at hands. crackers. lip balm. and the hair products...WTF? Im such a convenience whore and as you can tell its not good to shop when you are hungry and sick. Where the hair products came in I will never know? I get back to the office pop in a soup at hand [tomato classic] and check the email. 10 minutes later I am itching for a snack... and the search begins. I opened the freezer just out of "maybe someone on this planet loves me and hide something in there.."

this is what I found.
hallelujah.
There is a God. Some great wonderful stupid person hide a whole freaking bag of variety candy and not the cheap stuff. Yay for being a fatty!!! So Im eating frozen Reese's and kit kats... btw if you have never experienced the joy of a frozen classic take one home today. Its the greatest thing ever.. you will thank me I swear. I also got paid today.. so can we say party in my wallet and my gas tank. Speaking of gas, the prices are ridiculous makes me wish I was a bit more green in my everyday life. And yes by green I mean the hippie green.. the hemp sporting, flip flop wearing, tofu eating, save the planet all love and peace green. Minus the tofu I'm almost there...lol. I like red meat [hello I'm from the country] Lots of web surfing today and ran across some interesting stuff...


site of the day:
thesixtyone.com

great random music
undiscovered

check it out
merl