french for:
"more than my own life"
Confession. I have panic attacks. I have kept them under control for 4 or 5 years so I wouldn't have to take medicine... They really didn't start getting bad until I decided to be good and get off tabs and other pills that I had been taking for pleasure. Last night they decided to creep back in.. and I wasn't prepared. Here recently I've been in my own world and thoughts, not really aware of people and happenings around me. Reading always helps when Im in this mood... My family doesn't understand my need for quite and peace at times. They are so used to it being loud and tons around. So last night when I finished my book series I was forced to sit in the living room and had nothing to put my mind at ease. My parents have never really seen my freak outs first hand. Only the beginnings were I tense up and start breathing heavy.. I usually spare anyone from having to baby me and see the episode. Like I said I've been in control for years but this time it was different. There were 10 people in the house all having conversations all being way louder than they should and my mind was a complete wreck.. My control was slipping. My parents were going out to eat and my cousin was leaving her 2 year old so she could spend time with her boyfriend... My sisters had to be fed... homework needed to be done and dogs had to be tended too. I was a wreck. I had to go outside lay down and breathe. For a split moment in time I thought I was going crazy getting dates mixed up.. thinking I had to have all my art for the upcoming auction completed... thinking I had a bill I missed.. I thought my account was overdrawn. My heart for the first time hurt for all the things I had pushed aside. I know you are thinking this girl has flipped her lid... I haven't. I calmed down 2 hours later after 3,450 breathes and a long time in my room alone. I'm against taking medicine for things I can cure.. things that are in my head and things that are going to happen when you put to much stress on one body. I'm also against the easy out... so Im leaning on prayer and each breathe to get me through the day.
[If you haven't read the Twilight series and you are a girl get on it... I typically don't read romantics unless its a classic but they are so good. I am super pumped to see the movies and get a visual on all the characters I have come to love.]
"more than my own life"
2 comments:
Hey Girl, I am with you on the panic attacks. Ive had them for years, sometimes they are easy to control but sometimes things just feel too overwhelming, I usually have to go off by myself, which I don't like to be, I usually end up at my Grandmothers grave, just have to breath and pray through it! I'll be praying for you girl!! :O)
Hey... Isn't it really written "Plus que ma propre vie"? That's at least what my dictionary says XD
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