I will be damned..

If I didn't draw some sketches up for the upcoming auction

and misplaced them... Im so behind on my paintings also.

:0(

Today is payday and my funds are becoming stretched.

Im saving but on top of saving I've got a new fund I'm throwing money in. I want a road trip real bad... I can feel it, I can visualize it and it will happen. So I've got a side "I'm going away for a little bit" fund. Anyone who wants to join is welcome. I'm thinking spring but may hold off till Fall of 09. But its gonna be big.. Im going balls out on this. I think I may even go live in Oregon for a while [2 weeks at least] so I can learn how to be a barrista. Still in the works but my dad has some connections and I would have free stay and they will train me. Really sweet people, great coffee and I hear it's beautiful up there. But my destination is unplottable and I like it. I wanna go to Forks, WA.. Why you might ask, well its the setting of this book series I've recently been reading, thanks to the lovely Miss Weathers, and a road trip up there came into our conversation one day. So my brain got to working, thought about it a bit, and then told them they were crazy for even thinking about going all the Washington just to say "hey I've totally been there and I'm a complete nerd". But after thinking about it some more, being in love with the books and doing some research.. I've found some interesting things up in Ol' Forks, WA that would totally be doable. They have rafting that is a complete reasonable price and looks absolutely gorgeous and the highest class rapid is a IV.... sooo that would be awesome. The beaches up there are exactly what she describes in the book and some hiking would be fun. So altogether with some shopping in the cute towns on the outskirts, would make the trip for me. On the way up I was thinking some fun stops and site seeing would be awesome. Then Oregon would come into play after that... Still planning and talking but my parents are being very supportive and my dad seems to think it would be healthy for me and wants to help in the planning so I'm stoked. He is planning on funding too [since he owes me big for the past couple of years for watching and running his house and business for a month while he goes with my mom to Wyoming...these past few years and He's leaving again this year]. I've been very patient and waited for the right opportunity to spring a good road trip on him as my payback. So BAM. Should be fun... If you have any cool suggestions on things to do while I'm up there I'm up for whatever.

love love love and some more love

:0)

O sinners, let's go down

Let's go down, come on down
O sinners, let's go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the robe and crown?
Good Lord show me the way

Down to the River to Pray- Alison Krauss

River Rats

He said life is a gamble ..

and before you throw them dice 

if it's more than you can handle  

please take this advice 

He said stand your ground and don't back down,

that's the only way to win 

When life throws a punch son, 

you've got to take it on the chin 

I don't want you see the things 

I saw This old world can be so cruel after all 

Of all the things in life cound on one 

I'll always be behind you son 

He said life is a battle and it ain't even fair  

but if you stay up in your saddle, 

you're already halfway there

Take it on the Chin- William Elliott Whitmore

I'm in a weird music mood 

go with me on this guys

This weekend was needed. I enjoyed everything even when I thought I wasn't going to at certain points, God proved me wrong and opened up a door. Good stuff. The river was beautiful, clear and cold. I loved it. Our camp site was right beside it so Saturday night while everyone was chatting it up I sat beside the fire and just listened for a while. Listened to the laughter and bickering. Cards hitting the table. The life lessons and concerns. How to overcome. Thoughts. Crackling of the fire. The river. The creatures stirring. The wind. All so beautiful in their own way, All so unique and precious, and all so connected in a huge way. I loved it. I wish my camera was working.. dang it. Its time to get a new one. The setup was a great opportunity for shots but the time spent and memories made were ten times better. Good times with great friends.

This weekend I heard something and I'm not sure how to filter it. Still confussed but being challenged to research and find it is going to be interesting. On the way home I had a great heart to heart with Holly. I got to know a good bit about her and she did the same with me... we kind of picked each other apart and got to know each other better. I needed that. She asked some hard questions and I did the same. I miss that part of relationships.. I don't have that often... someone who challenges me and digs for stuff. Thanks :0)

"I can.."

Don't alter my altar

don't desecrate my shrine
My church is the water 
and my home is underneath the shady pines 
Don't underestimate the spine in a poor man's back
when it's against the wall and his future's black 

One man's story is another man's shame 
I ain't bound for glory, I'm bound for flames 
Take to the woods boy, and cover up your tracks
Go away child and don't look back

One Man's shame- William Elliott Whitmore

I love his voice and bluegrass groove

Im ready for this.. a challenge. the river. struggle. fight. teamwork. I need this. Have you ever felt like your aren't battling for anything anymore.. I think I have posted about this before and I don't want to beat a dying dog. Im just not battling anymore... I've lost it "the will to fight" and I want it back desperately. I wanna hurt for good reason. I want battle scars to remind me not to give up. I want adrenaline pulsing through my veins. I want excitement. I want to make my own path. I want someone beside me doing the same, wanting the same. I want to be happy because right now Im not. Right now it comes, goes and flickers out. So Im claiming it... I will be standing at the push off point of that freaking river ready for the challenge. Fighting the crazy rapids. Laughing the entire way down. Helping the ones with me get to our destination safely. And Im gonna have a blast damn it.

water. renewal. word. 

:)

Thank the dear sweet lord its almost 4:00. Im going home taking a pain pill. Cleaning out my car. Then getting ready for the Artwalk Preamble at Rojo. whooooooot. [Good luck Jenny] 

Birmingham is cracking down on parents and kids. DANG.

"Tough new curfew rules for Birmingham youth - including stiff fines and potential jail time for parents - were approved Tuesdayby the City Council.

The rules, which tighten the hours that youths can be away from home and slap on $500 fines for each offense, go into effect Oct. 1.

The council passed the ordinance 8-1, with Councilman Roderick Royal the lone no vote. 
The action came nearly a month after changes were proposed by Mayor Larry Langford following a July 5 shooting outside the now-closed Banana Joe's night club on the city's Southside. Two people died, and a teenager is charged with capital murder.

After several hours of discussion Tuesday, including an hour-long work session, the council's final version is tougher than Langford's proposal, reducing the hours children are allowed to be away from home.

The council changed the proposed curfews of midnight on weekends and 10 p.m. weekdays to 11 p.m. on holidays and weekends and 9 on weeknights.

Council members said they would also ask school officials to begin ballgames and after-school events earlier so students can get home on time.

Parents will be held liable for their children's violations, with a $500 fine for the first offense. Repeat offenses will carry a mandatory appearance in court and, for three or more offenses within a year, the possibility of up to six months in jail.

The ordinance also would allow a judge to sentence a parent to doing "hard labor" for public works.

The council was originally divided on the issue of imposing $500 fines for the first offense.

"You can do a rolling stop at a stop sign at any city in America and not get a ticket," Royal said after the meeting. "To impose one of the highest fines that the city can place on a first offense seems too punitive to me and counterproductive."

Langford argued that the rules needed to be tough to ensure they would be followed. The current curfew is meaningless because it carries few penalties, he said. The current ordinance was limited to a warning on the first offense and $25 fines for additional offenses.

"The more you water this down the more unenforceable it is," Langford said.

Councilman Steven Hoyt, who had joined Royal and Valerie Abbott in opposing the $500 fines, said he changed his mind after understanding a judge would have the final authority to determine punishment.

"Discretion is always going to be up to the judge whether we have it in writing or not," Hoyt said.

Langford said the October start date gives the city enough time to publicize the tougher rules and let parents and children know what's expected.

News staff writer Toraine Norris contributed to this report. jbryant@bhamnews.com "

I wont regret saying this...

this thing that im saying
is it better than keeping my mouth shut,
that goes without saying
Call (call) break (break) it (it) off (off)
Call (call) break (break) my (my) own heart (heart)
maybe i would have been something you'd be good at
maybe you would have been something i'd be good at
but now we'll never know
i wont be sad but, incase i'll go there everyday 
to make myself feel bad, theres a chance i'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do
i wont be out long but i still think it better if
you take your time coming over here
i think thats for the best
Call (call) break (break) it (it) off (off)
Call (call) break (break) my (my)own heart (heart)
maybe i would have been something you'd be good at
maybe you would have been something i'd be good at 
but now we'll never know
i wont be sad but, incase ill go there everyday
dont make myself feel bad theres a chance ill start to wonder if this was the thing to
ill start to wonder if this was the thing to do.

Call it off- Tegan and Sara

I love them

the end

"and the lion fell in love with the lamb"

"what a stupid lamb"

"what a sick masochistic lion"

-twilight

I finished the twilight saga this past week. I have to say wow Im in love with a romantic/vampire series. I feel like my girl side is kicking in way too much these days... As a whole the series was great. Stephanie Meyer is an outstanding writer and kept my interest through the entire thing, so kudos. Her twists on vampires and their legends were different but I was truly impressed with the planning and how thought out it really was. She covered everything and stayed true to the myths a little so it was good. The characters were awesome and her attention to detail was delightful to read. I think I will prefer the story in Edward's view [Midnight Sun] but getting inside a girls head was fun for a change. I usually stay clear off girls points of view books besides the classics like Jane Austen... but overall it wasn't bad and I was on Bella's level in several areas. Attitude. Sarcasism. View on relationships and worldview. So outstanding books, if you are a girl and you are looking for a good read I suggest you dive into them. 

My life has been pretty plain these days... I have been hanging out with my mom a lot recently. My cousins have been over nonstop and I have to say I am enjoying Amy's company. I have this huge pull to help her... Her mother [my aunt] passed away 2 years ago with lung cancer and she really hasn't asked for any help ever. We were over at her house saturday moving in some furniture and checking everything out for her. She doesn't have a table in here kitchen to eat on and her Ac is messed up... I gave my Radio/CD player a few months ago because she is at the house a lot and doesn't have a TV or a radio so I gave it to her and burned a ton of CD's for her. She is renting a trailer from our great uncle [I think, he is related somehow] and he won't do maintinance on it because there is some bickering going on between family members. SELFISH bull is what Im going to call it for now. Anyways Im going today to buy her a table and chairs for her house.. I found a 5 piece set at Walmart that was pretty cute and only $99. So that will be taking care of and Im doing some research on Ac's and going to help her fix and disquess it so its not an eye sore.. random just so know.

Im in love with the new Camaro and want one now. So Im saving and Im gonna ride my Element into the ground then purchase one of those.. I think.. its still in my thought processor and I may just stick to my original plan and go with the new Element... Still trying to justify getting a fast, not really safe, but oh so gorgeous car. One can dream. 

My great aunt sent me some of my great grandmothers things... that was a tear jerker. I have this really cool coin ring that fits.. craziness and she gave me this awesome watch necklace very old school and very pretty. Its really cool to have a piece of her history and past. My Aunt wrote down this letter explaining each piece and who gave it to my grandmother and why. So sweet and so cool. 

grace and peace

so its a sad day when..

you start counting down to things..

really not even important things

25 days til My 21st birthday

81 days til Election

99 days til Harry Potter: half blood prince

118 days til Twilight

"plus de ma propre vie"

french for:

"more than my own life"

Confession. I have panic attacks. I have kept them under control for 4 or 5 years so I wouldn't have to take medicine... They really didn't start getting bad until I decided to be good and get off tabs and other pills that I had been taking for pleasure. Last night they decided to creep back in.. and I wasn't prepared. Here recently I've been in my own world and thoughts, not really aware of people and happenings around me. Reading always helps when Im in this mood... My family doesn't understand my need for quite and peace at times. They are so used to it being loud and tons around. So last night when I finished my book series I was forced to sit in the living room and had nothing to put my mind at ease. My parents have never really seen my freak outs first hand. Only the beginnings were I tense up and start breathing heavy.. I usually spare anyone from having to baby me and see the episode. Like I said I've been in control for years but this time it was different. There were 10 people in the house all having conversations all being way louder than they should and my mind was a complete wreck.. My control was slipping. My parents were going out to eat and my cousin was leaving her 2 year old so she could spend time with her boyfriend... My sisters had to be fed... homework needed to be done and dogs had to be tended too. I was a wreck. I had to go outside lay down and breathe. For a split moment in time I thought I was going crazy getting dates mixed up.. thinking I had to have all my art for the upcoming auction completed... thinking I had a bill I missed.. I thought my account was overdrawn. My heart for the first time hurt for all the things I had pushed aside. 

I know you are thinking this girl has flipped her lid... I haven't. I calmed down 2 hours later after 3,450 breathes and a long time in my room alone. I'm against taking medicine for things I can cure.. things that are in my head and things that are going to happen when you put to much stress on one body. I'm also against the easy out... so Im leaning on prayer and each breathe to get me through the day.

[If you haven't read the Twilight series and you are a girl get on it... I typically don't read romantics unless its a classic but they are so good. I am super pumped to see the movies and get a visual on all the characters I have come to love.]

"more than my own life"