Well have come to bring the sword..

Quivering lips, do I blow the horn
To everything we could be and more
If I stand and lock or open the door
Is that wind blowing through the tops of trees?
Are the cars humming through the street?
The moment passes right through me
And the past is the only thing I see.

I wrestle with God all night long in my head,
And as hard as I try I cant forget what Jesus said.
I'm grinding my teeth all night long in my head,
And my nerves are shattered again and again and again.

Sometimes at night on dark highways 
I pull the car over and listen for trains
With my hair blown out the window pane
I rise voice, I scream and say; 
".. I struggle with all the energy 
That is powerfully inspired within me
With this I toil, for this I breathe

Wrestle With God- Wild Sweet Orange

You cant tell but I'm burnt on the top right side of my face. [Damn it.] I am also, for some crazy reason, burnt on my wrists.. and the fun part is its not just burnt but its sun poisoning. So this weekend has been the best. [sarcasm] Its been more of a blur than anything... I don't know whats next. [truth]

This is my room. bare. stripped. clean. Jessie helped me gather my things and store them in the bathroom. Hence the bathtub full of crap. memories. paintings. junk really. Today was a hard day but I made it through. Life lesson number one this weekend.. I'm stronger for other people than I am for myself. When I'm alone I break. Number two. I am a really good listener. I hate that. Number three. Silence is needed not always liked. Pulling out the 50 million nails, screws, and staples in my wall I realized I want a simple life. [I don't want clutter or mess.] But then I realized that's life... it gets messy then you have a cleaning day or moment and God fixes it or you fix it. So I may want it[ a clean simple easy life] but who cares what I want right. Its not about flesh. or us. or me. 

I don't know whats next and at this point I don't really care 

I just pray for Safety along the way 

I pray for Health and Wisdom

Guidance.

Strength.

You know what humans are good for. Absolutely nothing. Well entertainment maybe... 

I hate painting the standard way. I hate painting in the lines. Staying in the box. "THE BOX" is killing me. SO my thoughts are pretty scattered and I'm sorry for the confusion but thanks for reading... Hope you all have blessed and peaceful weeks.