hotter than a pepper sprout,
We've been talkin' 'bout Jackson, ever since the fire went out.
I'm goin' to Jackson, I'm gonna mess around,
Yeah, I'm goin' to Jackson,
Look out Jackson town.
Well, go on down to Jackson; go ahead and wreck your health.
Go play your hand you big-talkin' man, make a big fool of yourself,
Yeah, go to Jackson; go comb your hair!
Honey, I'm gonna snowball Jackson.
See if I care.
Jackson- Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash
I've been singing this for about a week
I think my dad and Roger are about ready to kill me
This, Cocaine Blues, and Folsom Prison Blues
Bought the Essential Johnny Cash Album and Live at Folsom Prison Album
Good stuff. Really great stuff.
So I am gonna be pretty raw in this post if you can't handle truth or the real struggle please don't read. Let me be real honest God has really been throwing me around and changing up my life quite a bit. And to be even more honest it has been real damn hard to realize what He has been trying to say to me. Probably because I'm a selfish. hardheaded. predictable. stupid. loud. fleshy. human who depends on the world to carry my worthless corpse through this life time. Guess what it's not supposed to be that way but that's what this human body falls into.. the temptation of life. The laziness of the human race. Truth 1 about me- I'm not worthy. Truth 2- no one is. Truth 3- He doesn't care about my worth He just wants me to trust and believe in Him. Truth 4- I make things harder than they should be. Truth 5- It's a trust thing and I'm learning that I'm really not that good with trust. Truth 6- It's easy to be tangled in the Enemies lies [net]... I for one know this first hand. I was letting doubt and grief hurt my soul and my well being. [PROTECT your hearts you fools.] something that keeps screaming at me.
Let me take you back to last weekend. I have been reconstructing my room... which turned into a complete God thing. I think its funny how you try to avoid Him and He just pops up in the middle of your crap. This hole room thing has really been a growing thing hence the reason its not done. I was trying to make it my escape, my way out of dealing with what was going on in my head and He turned my selfish endeavor into a grueling and time consuming come to Jesus meeting. Before I even started I had to clean [something I really hate] then I had to go through a crap load of memories [which was hard considering. tons of pictures. a few cards. hard truths]. Then I had to organize my stuff [which was also hard for me I'm learning I'm not really good at it] and finally begin the prep stuff. Stripping. Sanding. Patching. Taking off the 20 million texture balls off my wall which made me hurt, curse and want to quit. Quit! Just when I started what the hell is wrong with me...? Big truth right in front of me. I run away. I give up, throw up my white flag and push on to something else. So I pushed forward and finished up the hard stuff. The rest was down hill... or at least I thought. I got to the painting which was not fun but if you add some music it was tolerable... I started with the yellow/gold/mustard color which was gonna cover the majority of my room. I got all of the walls covered with the exception of the trim work and I was going back over some spots when I noticed this ripple effect my wall was doing. I had seen this before in painting, it usually happens when some one doesn't completely take down border or wallpaper. My mother loved border in the 90's, my room used to be a child's room... Low and behold what did I find as I scratched through the rippled wall. WALLFREAKINGPAPER. Which from what I could see was a good 6 foot down the wall... border that my mom happened to miss in the repainting of my room 10 years ago. I had a slight break down which included me, the wall and a unlucky scrapper tool. I took a breathe, walked into the living room and asked my mom to join me for a second... I picked at her memory for a bit then came to the conclusion that yes it was border and no it wasn't the wall. For a split second I thought well maybe its the wall and if so what the heck am I going to do. My mom left trying to apologize, I told her it was cool and that I would come up with something to fix it. Everyone left me there alone so I sat there for a good thirty minutes and just cried really.. I tried to continue to peel off the wallpaper but kept pulling up the wall. Then I threw in the towel. I was done. The walls were half done if even that... My room was bare and empty and half masked with yellow freaking paint. I walked completely away, hands in the air and the whole time God was sitting there facing me.. talking to me. I was gone. I was ignoring him. Monday I had a heart to heart with Roger. No one was in the office... he sat down and we discussed life, religion and then he was real with me for a second. He gave me some words of encouragement and spoke truth into my life. It was kind of hard to hear but good. Tuesday night I went to the Basement with my Dad and some of the guys from his men's group. The Basement if you didn't know is this meeting/movement put on for youth groups and teens. Matt Pitt heads it up and it is housed right now at the Cathedral of the Cross. The group I was with was going to support this girl [daughter of one of the men in the group] so I was invited to check it out, see what I thought. While I was there things were popping out left and right.. things that were wrong, loop wholes in the whole deal, things that were good, things that could have been changed and then God did a number on me. It was insane the things he revealed... How I had been lying to myself, How I really wasn't being patient, that I've got a road ahead of me and from looks of it it's gonna be rough. These were the things that concerned me that I had been battling with... and he gently spoke some truth into my soul. After the Basement my dad and I had a heart to heart... It was just what I needed from him. No frills and everything is gonna be alright but hard truth. He corrected me on some things and called me on my crap. I walked away from it all refreshed. Sunday I went to the Innerchange, again he confirmed everything my dad and I talked about. I put aside my differences and worshiped at his feet. This is kinda a raw piece of what he said to me. "It's a day to day thing, everyday will be a struggle and a fight. I will lead you down many roads and paths all connected to one. Mine. You will speak truth. My truth. The Good news. I will bless and love you. Trust in Me and Me alone." Word. I'm speechless and in awe of His Majesty.
So let's do it- full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps His word. Let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:22-25
I have been through a lot of shitty stuff in the past couple of years but none of it comes back void because it was all part of his plan for my life. I would call them shitty, hard and pretty big turning points. He is showing me that maybe I'm not looking at it right. Look again. So now they are blessings and a part of life... all part of growing.
Crazy good stuff.
grace and peace
My Harry Potter season is coming in. They released the trailer and I freaked. It is amazing.. and it brought back all the memories of the book. Such a good read if you are really into the background and the connections of the characters. It goes through a ton of stuff and helps you understand the characters more. Some may think it is boring but if you think about it not really, the twists and crazy things that happen, it's so good. So I'm excited to see how they do with the movie and I'm willing to give this new director a second chance. By far the best trailer and great job with picking the new actors. Enough of my nerd speak. I had an amazing lunch today with Jenny at the Vietnamese restaurant and I'm super wired from the coffee I had. I have a ton of free movie passes for the new theatre in McCalla. So if anyone wants to go let me now. Only catch is it has to be a two week old released movie but still a good deal. 
